thefrustratedmangaka: etc

Am I Having a Mid-life Crisis?

Was there ever a moment in your life when you felt overwhelmed by how fast time flies?

I'm turning 26 in a few weeks and honestly, I don't know what to feel. I'm the type of person who usually just go with the flow and didn't care much on where the waves of life would take me. I'm easily contented with what I have and how my life is. Contented to the point that I built walls around me and just stayed inside my comfort zone. Technically, a person who keeps floating on an endless sea.

Then all of a sudden I felt like I was being dragged to face the battlefield called adulting. The problem with this battle is that no one can escape from it and that 20+ years is such a short time for training. What frustrates me more is that your "enemies" in this battle are time and yourself. And as of now, I still have no idea of how you can consider yourself victorious in this battle. Maybe I'm still young to know the answer? I'll let you know in a few years, chos. Haha.

Sometimes I just wish that I could freeze time and just stay young forever. There were even some moments when I wanted to go back in time and just stay there. To go back in time wherein my biggest dilemma is which anime to watch during the afternoons or wonder which clow card Sakura will capture next. To go back in time wherein I waste my time inside my room and just draw and draw and draw the whole day. (Ironic isn't it? I wish to go back in time to waste more time. Ang labo.) To go back in time wherein I didn't care about politics, how to earn money, how I look like, or even the monthly bills.

via giphy

The thing is, I wanted to go back in time/ stay young because the future scares me. The uncertainty of the future scares me. I guess we will all come to a certain point when we'll realize how important time is.

I'm no superhero and I can't do anything about it. My ranting won't help me either. I guess all I can do now is just cherish every moment and slowly prepare myself mentally, physically (?), and emotionally.

And to answer my own question above, yes. I'm having a mid-life crisis indeed.

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In etc,

The Mangaka Who?

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, by thefrustratedmangaka

In Beni, etc

Benicio (2005-2016) ♥

"Kung pagod ka na at ayaw mo lang bumigay dahil ayaw kitang bitawan, wag mo na kong isipin. I'll be fine." These were the exact words I told my Beni last Saturday.

We were both sick and bed-ridden for almost a week. For me, I got a lot better after taking lots of medicines, but that's not the case for my canine bestfriend. He was with me for 11 loving years and it seems the time has come to finally bid our goodbye.

A few months earlier, our veterinarian found a variety of lumps over his body but the most alarming was the hand-sized cyst on his neck. He was diagnosed with cancer. Of course, I broke down after I heard the diagnosis and our vet told us that he needs to undergo surgery to remove the cyst and also needs chemotherapy afterwards. We didn't dare to take the risk as it is not practical and the very low probability that he can survive the treatment considering Beni's age.

I would like to call it a miracle that the lumps eventually subside a few weeks after diagnosis. Even the hand-sized cyst also dried up. I was really thankful for that short-term miracle and that we were given the chance to shower him with love a little bit longer.

But then, 11 years is no joke. His age actually hit him these past few days. It was hard for me to see him so weak. So fragile. So helpless. It came to the point that he could barely stand up, eat, and even take a sip of water. My heart shattered every time I greet and kiss him during his last few days.

After he left us, I realized how selfish I was. I keep thinking, maybe he was really suffering even before but he couldn't let go because of me. He has always pretended to be strong as he stood before me, even if he's always trembling due to his frail legs. He has always acknowledged my presence by wagging his tail once just to not make me worry and to give the assurance that he's still alive. He has always pretended and forced himself to eat so that I wouldn't nag him for not eating. He made sure that my heart is at ease knowing how paranoid his mom was.

No one is ever mature enough when you are a dog-parent. I thought a day or two would be enough to grieve over my loss, but I think it will take a little more time. Friends, please bear with me. Beni has been with me for almost half of my life. He was more than just a pet nor a best friend. He's part of my family. A part of my life. A piece of my heart.

P.S. Beni died on 5 September 2016, my dad's 12th year death anniversary.

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, by Unknown

In AFSTRI Cultural Night 2015, AISAS

Hello, Holidays! ♥

“Konting kembot na lang, bakasyon na!!!”—this line has been my motivation to keep going until the last remaining working days of 2015. And to gather a little more strength to survive this year, I decided to look back and reminisce the highlights of this year:

J A N U A R Y

16. AISAS Induction of New Members~ The Association of IRRI Secretaries and Administrative Staff (AISAS) has always held a special place in my mom's heart during her long years of service at IRRI. Let me make one thing clear: I didn't join the organization to continue her legacy nor become the next "SRA". I joined it because I believe that AISAS will help me grow in my career. As of now, I'm not really that active in the organization yet, but I know that one day, I will be able to contribute significantly in this new family.

At the Induction Ceremony of AISAS held last January 16, 2015

16. AFSTRI Cultural Night~ This event was originally scheduled last December 2014. If I remember it correctly, there was heavy rain (caused by a typhoon, idk) during that time so it was moved to this date. My partner wanted to have something "unique" with our performance so she decided to wear Barong Tagalog instead of wearing a Filipiniana. We were representing the Philippines, so we performed two Filipino songs: Payapang Daigdig and... One Hit Combo (YAS! PNE's One Hit Combo) and we definitely nailed it!

RBG and I performing Payapang Daigdig. IDK why we don't have any pictures of our One Hit Combo performance... :|

F E B R U A R Y

17. Family Reunion~ I can barely remember the last time that the whole family had a reunion like this. My Tito and Tita finally had the time to visit us here in the Philippines after many years of living in the US. I had to take a two-day vacation leave and I realized something during that short period of time... I'm a certified workaholic. Office issues hunt in me my dreams and I had to wake up in the middle of the night just to send an e-mail. O diba.

Ze Roques~

M A R C H

4. The Re-Birth of my Football "Career"~ I was first introduced to football when I was in high school. Being a South Hillian, there was this pressure to learn football which is considered to be the national sport of every academic institutions in the area. The sports that I play back then was badminton and basketball, but eventually, I also learned to appreciate football when I was in 4th year high school. I thought it was a little too late for my football "career", until I joined the IRRI Women's Football Team!

Rain or shine!!!

A P R I L

9-11. Ilocos Trip~ Asdfghjkl!!! Probably the best highlight (best na, highlight pa??!! Exxage~) of this year. I finally had the chance to visit the number 1 travel destination (local) on my bucket list...

Read my Ilocos travel diary here.

My favorite candid shot for all times~

M A Y

11-12. PAB Audit~ Finally, after a series of document reviews and preparations, our laboratory was finally re-assessed by the Philippine Accreditation Bureau. And thank God, all of our efforts were not put into waste as all of the test parameters that we applied for were approved for accreditation.

This photo was taken during our photoshoot~

16. Bato Spring Outing~ To formally end the hell ~~weeks~~ months, we decided to unwind by visiting Bato Spring at San Pablo City...

The Invaders: GQNSL staff and some of the lab's previous OJTs

23. Ate Arlene's Wedding~ I grew up spending my school breaks/ summer vacations at Bulacan, my father's hometown. That's why I developed a strong bond with my ninang and my kinakapatid. I am so happy that I got the chance to witness the beginning of her forever...

The gorgeous bride...

J U N E

12-14. Aurora Trip~ I celebrated the Independence Day at my college friend's province, Aurora, together with my two other classmates from Letran. Finally after years of planning, we were able to push through with this trip. Read my Aurora travel diary here.

Beach, please.

A U G U S T

16. Pru-Life Cup~ My first official football game~~~

PRU-Life Cup: my first tourney with the kIRRIs. Hindi pa nga kIRRIs ang official team name namin nun eh.

S E P T E M B E R

18. Awarding of GQNSL's Certificate of Re-accreditation~ Definitely one of the biggest challenges on my career for this year. Organizing an event is tiring and stressful indeed. But despite all that, I was able to find fulfillment with what I did because the outcome was successful. I was able to showcase my hidden talents and my supervisors acknowledged my hard work.

Emceeing the Awarding of GQNSL's New Certificate of Re-accreditation

O C T O B E R

21. IRRI Barbeque Party~ This was definitely a highlight since this is the first time I was able to get a groufie with ze DG.

Generation Y (uhmm... sige na nga. Majority naman ay Generation Y) with IRRI's Director General

25. Labay Cup~ First time to have a picnic at Baker, chos. Haha!

Ladies, ilabas ang barbecue at crispy pata!!

26. Despedidas~ A month full of goodbyes, October that is. Can you believe that in just one day, I attended three despedidas?

Despedida no.1: After 40 years of working at IRRI, she's finally ready to embrace a retiree's life. Good luck, mom. :)

Despedida no.2; We performed Material Girl by Madonna at Tita Ely's despedida. For booking, just dial x2388. Chos. HAHAHA!

Despedida no.3: one of my closest friends from my previous department also began a new chapter on her career. Go go go Shieshie!!

N O V E M B E R

13. Costume Football~ To celebrate the Halloween, we decided to have a costume football. I was originally planning on wearing the dress I used for our cosplay back in college but I ended up being Barney instead.

Pinaka-favorite kong costume talaga yung grapes costume ni Ate Olen. HAHA~

D E C E M B E R

10. Ate Reah's Despedida~ Videoke-ing has never been this fun. Don't get me wrong guyth. I'm not happy because my officemate is leaving, but rather I am thrilled because we were able to hang out with new friends.

Mandatory groufie every time a new guest arrives

11. Hats Off: The 2015 IRRI-wide Year End Party~ This is the first IRRI-wide Year-end/ Christmas Party that I was able to attend. And if I wasn't lucky enough, I won a gift certificate from Max's!!! ♥

GQNC's Cats with the DG... and photobombed by Tony L!! :)

12. Flickers Mini Tournament and Christmas Party~ After a very looooooonnnggg email thread, we were finally able to hold our mini tournament and Christmas Party. I am so glad that even if we didn't have glamorous prizes, everyone still gave their best to this tourney.

Haggard players~

14. ANYARESAYOO?!! The 2015 GQNC Year-end Party~ To celebrate our last year as a unit, GQNC held a K-pop/J-pop themed Year-end/ Christmas party.

Double thumbs up for the Anyaresayoo Committee!!

Sareeh, I just really have to post this haggard-free photo of us before the event. HAHA. Hindi pa pinapanganak si Alyas Baby Boy~~

True to the quote that I always encounter on Facebook, 2015 is really the most challenging and stressful (so far), and I know that this is only the beginning. In this world full of uncertainties, you have to be fully equipped with confidence... and don't forget the heart, chos. HAHA. (Miss Universe???!!) So 2016, I'm ready for you!

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In etc, t*arts

Page 7 of 365 ♥

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In accidents, etc

Impacts and Realizations...

Source: http://claredobson.com/

This year is like a fast train on a railway for me and I have to admit that I've been very busy to take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy life. To be honest, I wouldn't have realized that until I had this accident last Thursday night. I was crossing the highway when a motorcycle hit me. When I try to look back with what happened that night, it all happened so fast that I couldn't even believe that I just had an accident. Thank God I only had minor bruises on my body and no broken ribs or fractured bones. All thanks to this protective gear called fats. Jk! Lol.

Source: http://inspirably.com/

When I was being rushed to the hospital, there was only one thing on my mind: God. I thought "dyan tayo magaling eh. Pag kailangan lang, tsaka natin Siya naaalala. Pag mamamatay na, dun mo lang mare-realize kung gaano ka naging pasaway." I prayed, "Lord, wag lang talaga ma-damage yung internal organs ko, magpapakatino na 'ko." O diba, praning to the highest level. I have to admit that I've been a very bad girl and I almost forgot, or rather ignored, Him this year, letting myself drift further away from Him.

It was a miracle that I didn't have major injuries in the accident. If you'll look at me, you wouldn't think that I was hit by a motorcycle three days ago. I couldn't walk normally and can't laugh that hard without feeling a small amount of pain in my ribs, but I'm totally fine. I felt that I was protected during the accident. I felt that the accident was actually a blessing in disguise. The accident shook me and actually gave me the chance to rest and reflect on how I have lived my fast-paced life.

Source: http://god-still-speaks.com/

Sometimes, we need these impacts for us to realize things that are important. I've mentioned earlier that my life is like a fast train this year. Maybe I needed this impact for me to stop and actually take my course slowly so that I may enjoy this journey called life to its fullest.

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In etc, pet love

Thank You... and Farewell.

It seems like forever since I last let my feelings pour out through this blog. I am writing now to express my grief with regards to the passing away of three (or four) of what i consider my best friends, companions, and family members.

A couple of months ago Putchi, the head of the Amazonas, died because of her ripe age... I forced myself not to cry because I felt that I'm too old to cry over the loss of a "pet". Then a few weeks later, her "daughter" Grapes followed.

Then a few days ago, Grapes' daughter Sammy, came home with half of her fragile body paralyzed. She cannot move the right side of her body so I had to feed her. It was really heartbreaking seeing her suffer like that, for the image that she and her pack left were those of glorious dogs roaming around our backyard and the streets of our village with pride.

What broke my heart is when I came home last Tuesday night. It would've been better of they did not let me see her. When I came home, Sammy was lying in front of our gate, looking like she's waiting for someone and guarding our house... watching over us and protecting our home.

After the female amazonas' death, I am not even sure if Beni 'Jr.' is still alive. He hasn't come back home since last Monday. Now, the only surviving member of their lineage is Anonymous.

To be honest, their presence gave us our sense of security and peace of mind. I felt so safe even if I usually come home late because they were always waiting for me outside of our gate. I felt protected with them around. If I were a princess, they would act as the dragons protecting me in my castle.

They served us with love and loyalty for a very very long time and I was really planning to keep Putchi's legacy together with mine. I have always imagined having my own family together with Putchi"s and Beni's descendants: my future children will be playing with their puppies in our garden, Beni accompanying me when I finally walk down the aisle once i get married, you know things like that. They are always included in my plans.

It may seem so childish to give too much fuss over my canine friends, but all that I can do now is just thank God for giving me such wonderful companions while growing up.

So to my babies, thank you for being my lovely little dragons... and farewell.